


On the Subtle (and not) Differences Between Vulcan Handshakes and Human Kisses, Friendship and Love

by littlebirdtold



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Everyone Thinks They're Together, F/M, Gay For You, Humor, Jealousy, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 07:59:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1218586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebirdtold/pseuds/littlebirdtold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bones pinched the bridge of his nose. "Alright, let me get it straight. A good chunk of the crew saw you and the hobgoblin trying to suck each other's faces off, but you're insisting that you've never kissed and that you're just friends. Oh, and let's not forget the little detail that both of you have girlfriends."</p><p>Jim winced. "Look, I know how it looks, but it's really not what it looks like."</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Subtle (and not) Differences Between Vulcan Handshakes and Human Kisses, Friendship and Love

* * *

 

Jim drummed his fingers on the armrest, waiting for Spock's next move.  
  
Spock was taking his time, eyeing the chessboard thoughtfully. There was a tiny crease between his eyebrows, and Jim's fingers itched to reach out and smooth it. Jim nearly chuckled, imagining himself doing that. Yeah, that would go well.  
  
"So," he said after a little while, getting bored with the silence. Sure, he loved that with Spock he didn't have to bother filling the air with pointless small talk, and he usually enjoyed the companionable silence, but he liked listening to Spock's voice even more. Spock was one of those lucky people who could make the most boring shit sound interesting, and, well – Jim was bored.  
  
"So," Jim repeated, because Spock didn't seem be paying attention to him. That just wouldn't do. "I've never asked before, but how are things with Uhura?"  
  
Spock looked up from the chessboard, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. "I beg your pardon?"  
  
Smiling, Jim winked at him. "Oh, come on, Spock. We're friends, right? Friends are supposed to talk about stuff like that with each other. I tell you everything about Marlena and me." Jim waggled his eyebrows. "Even stuff you don't want to hear."  
  
Spock cocked his head in a puzzled way. Jim secretly found the expression totally adorable, but he was smart enough not to mention it aloud.  
  
"Could you clarify what, exactly, that 'stuff' is, and what Lieutenant Uhura has to do with it?"  
  
"Come on, Spock, you know what I mean. Don't play coy."  
  
Spock raised an eyebrow. "Captain, my telepathy is largely limited to touch, and therefore I, indeed, do not know. Clarify."  
  
Jim frowned. It didn't look like Spock was joking in his not-joking way. "Your relationship with her. Are you two still going strong?"  
  
Spock simply looked at him for a few moments.  
  
Finally, he said, "You appear to be under the false impression that Nyota and I are engaged in a romantic relationship."  
  
Jim felt his jaw drop. "You broke up? When?"  
  
"Jim, we were not in a relationship to begin with."  
  
"What? But I saw you kiss!"  
  
Spock's eyebrow almost disappeared into his hairline. "I have never kissed Nyota and I cannot imagine ever doing so in a public setting."  
  
For a few moments, Jim could only stare at him. "You're kidding, right?"  
  
"As you are well aware, I do not 'kid,' Captain."  
  
Okay. All right. Obviously there was some kind of misunderstanding, because Spock looked completely serious. It was like they were speaking different languages.  
  
"Spock, how can you not remember," Jim started slowly, "that I saw you two kiss in the transporter room before we were beamed on the  _Narada_? For fuck's sake, Scotty saw it, too! Not to mention other times I've seen you two kiss."  
  
Spock looked puzzled for a moment before a gleam of understanding appeared in his eyes. "I believe you are referring to Nyota's and my touching each other's lips. Am I correct?"  
  
Jim stared at him.  
  
"Well, to be honest, Spock, that’s generally what a kiss is."  
  
Spock leaned back in his chair. "Perhaps Humans consider it a kiss, but for Vulcans, it has a different meaning. For Vulcans, it is not a kiss; it is _kr'aa'rka_  – a gesture of support, affection, or gratitude shared between close individuals."  
  
Jim raises an eyebrow of his own. "Seriously?"  
  
Spock inclined his head. "Indeed. I was under the impression that Humans, too, occasionally touch each other's lips with the same purpose."  
  
Jim rubbed his forehead. "Well, sure, sometimes—especially the Europeans—but it's  _usually_ a romantic or sexual gesture. You really aren't dating Uhura?" He still had trouble believing it. He had thought of Spock and Uhura as an item for ages. Hell, Uhura had never denied it when he referred to Spock as her boyfriend.  
  
"We are not. Nyota is… a dear friend, but that is all she is." Spock eyed him with a slight frown. "It did not escape my notice that the crew misinterpreted the relationship between Nyota and I, and Nyota does not deny it when she is asked, because I believe it...amuses her, but I presumed you were aware that we were not involved romantically."  
  
Jim chuckled. "Nope. You’ve kinda shattered everything I knew about the world."  
  
Spock regarded him with a tilt of his eyebrow. "It is simply a matter of cultural misunderstanding. For Vulcans, touching lips in semi-public place is not inappropriate or untoward. It is a mere gesture of support, gratitude, or greeting, usually shared between members of the same clan. I believe it can be considered an equivalent of squeezing or holding hands for Humans. It is indeed most curious that, in our cultures, touching lips and hands hold opposite meanings."  
  
Jim blinked a few times before laughing. "So you mean Vulcans kiss with their hands?"  
  
"Affirmative," Spock confirmed before giving him a flat look. "I fail to see what is humorous about it."  
  
Jim ran a hand over his face, hiding his smile. "Sorry, it just seems so... I don’t know. Childish? To humans, anyway."  
  
The corners of Spock's lips tightened slightly. "Now I am curious about your grades in the Xenoculture and Diplomacy course, Jim."  
  
"Oh, quit pouting," Jim said, still smiling. Damn, it really was funny. The thought of stern-looking Vulcans getting all turned on by handholding...  
  
"Wait," he said, sobering up as a sudden thought occurred to him. "Why haven't you kissed me, then? I mean, touched my lips? I thought I was your best friend."  
  
He nearly bit his tongue. He probably should stop assuming stuff; look where it had gotten him. It wasn't like he and Spock had ever talked about feelings--well, besides that one time he died and came back to life. _Because you are my friend._  
  
Spock gave him a brief look before shifting his gaze to the chessboard. "Unlike yourself, Jim, I have respect for customs of other species. Nyota is an expert in Xenolinguistics and Xenoculture and therefore fully understands the meaning of the gesture for Vulcans. In fact, she initiated it first."  
  
"Hey, are you saying I'm narrow-minded?"  
  
A corner of Spock's lips twitched barely noticeably. "Captain, your immature reaction to the manner in which Vulcan kiss speaks for itself."  
  
"Well, yeah, maybe, but I still totally can be mature and understanding! If Uhura can do it, why can't I?"  
  
"It is not a competition, Captain."  
  
Jim looked at the chessboard between them. "Well, good to know that one of my best friends thinks so little of me." He wasn't even sure he was joking.  
  
Silence stretched between them as Jim resolutely stared at the chessboard.  
  
Finally, Spock spoke. "Jim, I… apologize if you took my words that way. I do not think of you as 'narrow-minded.' I merely did not wish to make you uncomfortable with a custom that is not yours."  
  
"Uncomfortable? Me? You're kidding, right? I'm a touchy-feely kind of guy—a little smooch on the lips is nothing…" He laughed a little, face heating up. "Damn, this conversation is getting weird, don't you think?"  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"Oh, shut it. You're laughing at me."  
  
"I assure you I am doing no such thing."  
  
"You are. You always treat me like a toddler whose tantrums you indulge while you laugh on the inside."  
  
Spock responded with a look Jim didn't understand, which wasn't something that happened often. Usually, Jim prided himself on his ability to read Spock's non-expressions, but this time, he couldn't read Spock at all.  
  
"You are mistaken, Jim," Spock said after a moment, averting his gaze. "I am well aware that you are an adult."  
  
Jim snorted. "Right. Why don't you take my words seriously, then?"  
  
"I do take your words seriously."  
  
Jim narrowed his eyes. "Then prove it."  
  
Spock tilted his head. "How do you wish me to prove it?"  
  
Jim crossed his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. "Treat me like you treat Uhura."  
  
"I do not think—"  
  
"We’re both your friends. It's only logical to treat us the same, right?"  
  
Spock just looked at him with the same unreadable stare.  
  
Setting his jaw, Jim gave him an unwavering look. Seriously, what the fuck? Why Uhura and not him?  
  
"Very well," Spock said finally, dropping his gaze, and changed the subject.

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

  
Thanks to a minor catastrophe on Vega Stix and all the paperwork he had to fill afterwards, Jim had entirely forgotten about that conversation with Spock.  
  
So when it happened, it startled the hell out of him.  
  
It was their regular chess-slash-paperwork-slash-hanging out night, and, as usual, Jim walked Spock to the door.  
  
Spock paused, turned around, and, leaning in, pressed his lips to Jim's briefly. "Thank you for your time, Jim. It was most intellectually stimulating."  
  
Jim blinked. Then he somehow managed a smile. "Yeah, likewise. See you tomorrow."  
  
As the door slid shut behind Spock, Jim stared at it for a few moments before lifting his hand and touching his lips.  
  
Holy shit.  
  
Spock had just kissed him.  _Spock_ —the same Spock who was so weird about touching. Hell, Spock stiffened even when Jim clasped his shoulder, and god forbid Jim dare to casually wrap an arm around Spock's shoulders like he did with Bones, or do something equally inappropriate—Spock would freeze and then jerk away, as if Jim was a disgusting slug.  
  
And now, apparently, Spock found touching Jim's  _lips_ perfectly appropriate and Vulcan-y. That was... well, strange, to put it lightly. Jim supposed he hadn’t really expected Spock to take him up on his demand.  
  
A part of him still couldn't believe it had really happened, and the other part wanted to run to the bathroom and check in the mirror if he somehow looked different, which was ridiculous, Jim knew that, but fuck.

Spock had just kissed him.

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

  
The next evening found Jim watching Spock's every movement like a hawk.  
  
"Jim, is there any particular reason why you have been staring at me for the last thirty-two minutes?"  
  
His cheeks heating up, Jim looked away.  
  
"Is something amiss?"  
  
"Nope. I… You didn't do it again," he blurted out, and then cringed.  
  
Silence.  
  
When Jim looked at Spock, he once again found his friend's face completely unreadable.

"'It’?" Spock repeated.  
  
Jim shrugged slightly. "The Vulcan handshake-thing."  
  
"'The Vulcan handshake-thing,'" Spock repeated, and there definitely was a mocking undertone in his voice; Jim was sure of that.  
  
"Oh, come on! Quit making fun of me." Jim threw a stylus at Spock’s head. Spock didn't even bother to duck.  
  
"I am doing no such thing," Spock said, carefully putting Jim's stylus on the desk between them. He wasn't looking at Jim. "And I was not aware you expected me to engage in  _kr'aa'rka_  with you on a regular basis. You made it quite clear that you found the custom disturbing."  
  
"What? No!"  
  
Spock dropped his gaze to the pile of paperwork between them. "I am not blind, Jim. I could sense how much it disconcerted you."  
  
"No, really, it didn't."  
  
"Jim—"  
  
"I'm not lying, I swear. Sure, it was a little weird to hear about, at first, but I really want it, okay?" Jim flushed. Fuck, that had come out stranger than he’d intended. "I mean – I'm cool with it."  
  
Spock looked at him dubiously.  
  
"Here, I'll prove it," Jim decided, standing up and rounding the desk.  
  
Spock watched him approach warily but didn't move away, even as Jim stepped right into his personal space. Licking his lips anxiously, Jim put a hand on the back of Spock's neck to steady himself and, leaning down, pressed their lips together.  
  
Spock went completely still and seemed to stop breathing, his lips very warm and dry against Jim's. Jim quickly kissed him again and just as quickly pulled away. It would be a big fat lie to say that he wasn't weirded out at all kissing his best friend—his very male best friend, who was a Vulcan to boot—but it was… nice.  
  
He liked it.  
  
"See? I'm totally cool with it," he said with a hoarse chuckle. In the silence of the room, his voice sounded too loud. "Come on, Spock. Don't make me feel like an asshole, here."  
  
He felt his face heating up again. Sometimes Jim really hated his fair skin. "Look, it really means a lot that you want to do it with me. I can't imagine you Vulcans doing it with random acquaintances." He chuckled again. "God, I usually hate using words like that, but to me, it's an honor. Really."  
  
"… I shall consider it," Spock said at last, his expression unreadable to the casual eye. But Jim wasn't the casual eye.  
  
Snorting, Jim crossed his arms over his chest. "You're lying. You aren't going to consider it at all." He sighed, brushing a hand through his hair. "Dammit, Spock, how many times do I have to kiss you to prove that it doesn't bother me at all?"  
  
" _Kr'aa'rka_  is not a kiss," Spock said tersely, standing up as well and clasping his hands behind his back.  
  
Jim's eyebrows crawled up at his tone. "Sure, whatever. But that's not the point."  
  
"I do not wish to—"  
  
"Oh for…" Jim jerked him close and caught Spock’s lips with his own. He wasn't sure how Vulcans did this, so he did it the only way he would think of: he looped his arms around Spock's waist and started pressing shallow, light kisses to Spock’s lips. He felt Spock's breathing hitch and his body stiffen against him, but Spock didn't push him away.  
  
After a little while, Jim's mind started getting fuzzy. Even though, rationally, he knew that what he was doing really wasn't a kiss, his body didn't seem to get the memo, reacting to another being's proximity and all the touching in a very predictable and very  _inappropriate_ way.  
  
Jim stepped back before his little problem could become noticeable, pissed at himself and his own body's betrayal. God, this was his good buddy, not Marlena, and not even some random woman.  
  
He cleared his throat and forced himself to meet Spock's eyes. "Well? Are you convinced?"  
  
Spock merely nodded, his eyes unfathomable, and turned to leave.  
  
Jim narrowed his eyes. "No-no, Mister, you won't get to leave just like that. I want to clear things up. From now on, you kiss—" Receiving a cold glare from Spock, Jim quickly corrected himself. "—You do Vulcan handshakes with me at least as often as you do with Uhura. Am I clear?"  
  
"You are, Captain." Spock turned to the door again.  
  
Cocking his head, Jim crossed his arms on his chest. "Then where's my goodnight not-kiss, Mr. Spock?"  
  
Jim could have sworn he heard Spock sigh before Spock stepped closer, leaned in and touched his lips briefly. "Are you satisfied now, Jim?"  
  
Jim grinned. "Sure I am. See you tomorrow."

 

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
When Jim thought about it, it probably shouldn't have surprised him how much Spock's weird Vulcan handshake thing— _kr'aa'rka_  or whatever—would affect their interactions, but it did.  
  
He didn't notice the change in Spock's attitude right away, but, after a few days, it was kind of hard not to. It felt like… like some barrier Jim hadn't known about had gone down, and Spock became far more relaxed—and yes, _affectionate_ —with him than he had ever been. He didn't stiffen so much when Jim patted him on the back or flung an arm around his shoulders anymore. He seemed to at least tolerate Jim's touch, and for Spock, that was big. Scratch that, it was huge.  
  
And the only thing Jim had to do to keep Spock loosened up was to allow Spock to kiss—er, not-kiss—him, which… wasn't exactly a hardship. Hell, it was cool to know that he was one of only two people Spock allowed himself to be affectionate with. It was also kind of awesome to finally have physical proof of Spock's affection for him. Neither he nor Spock was any good at talking about feelings, and, considering Spock's Vulcan poker face, sometimes Jim used to wonder if their friendship meant more to him than to Spock. And, while it wasn't something Jim liked to think about, he knew it wasn't exactly healthy how much his friendship with Spock meant to him.  
  
He’d never had a friendship like that.  
  
There was Bones, of course, who Jim loved more than his own brother and who was the best friend he could wish for, but Jim’s friendship with Spock was… well, different. With Bones, Jim didn't worry about offending his feelings and didn't get worked up over whether Bones valued their friendship as much as he did. With Bones, he didn't feel so insecure all the goddamn time and still so good at the same time.  
  
With Bones, he didn't spend hours over-thinking their friendship.  
  
So yeah, the Vulcan handshake thing helped a lot to soothe his ridiculous insecurities about their friendship. Spock obviously did care about him a lot—cared enough to engage with him in the custom shared between members of the same clan – between family. Spock considered him  _family._  
  
The thought made Jim giddy.  
  
"Thanks," Jim said as they stepped into the turbolift. When Spock stopped talking mid-sentence and turned to him with a raised eyebrow, Jim realized that he'd blurted it out completely out of the blue.  
  
Great. He'd been daydreaming again. He didn't even remember what they were talking about.  
  
"What are you thanking me for?"  
  
Shrugging a bit, Jim smiled. "Never mind. Carry on."  
  
Spock gave him a slightly bewildered look, his lips parting slightly.  
  
Jim looked at them, then found himself reaching out and stopping the turbolift.  
  
Spock's eyebrows flew up. "Captain? What are you doing?"  
  
Grinning maniacally, Jim stepped closer to him. Spock took a step back. "Jim, what are you doing?" he asked again, eyes darting between Jim and the restart button.  
  
"Just wanted to thank you for being such an awesome friend," Jim murmured before pressing Spock against the turbolift and kissing him lightly, again and again, his entire body warming with low-burning pleasure.  
  
And that was a thing that was bothering him lately: he enjoyed the kisses a bit too much.  
  
They were supposed to just be platonic gestures, but they weren’t. Not really. Though they weren't sexual, either. Jim hadn't started suddenly questioning his sexuality; he was straight and it hadn't changed. Sure, Bones had told him that his psych tests showed that he was a latent bisexual, but he had always shrugged it off as nonsense, as he'd never been attracted to males. Apart from the random hard-ons from all the touching, the warm, dizzying pleasure he got from kissing Spock was completely different from the kind he was used to.  
  
The thing was, he loved this innocent kissing with Spock more than all the French-kissing and fucking he did with Marlena—and  _that_  was the thing that freaked him out. If it was about sex, it would have been simple, but it wasn't. He didn't want Spock like that. What he wanted was… was… fuck, it sounded weird even in his own head, but…  
  
Lately, he'd been feeling like he wanted to crawl inside Spock and never part from him. With each day, breaking their not-kisses was becoming increasingly difficult, and Jim hoped like hell that Spock didn't notice how clingy he had become.  
  
Jim bit back a disappointed moan when Spock pushed him away. Spock quickly clasped his hands behind his back. "Our lunch break ends in one minute and— In approximately one minute. We need to return to the bridge."  
  
Nodding, Jim restarted the turbolift, avoiding Spock's eyes.

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

  
"Did you see Lieutenant Montague's report about the Deck B repairs?"  
  
Spock retrieved a PADD from the huge pile and handed it to him.  
  
Jim beamed at him and leaned in, giving him a firm peck on the lips, then another one.  
  
Then another.  
  
 _Goddammit; pull away before you crawl in his lap._  
  
Jim forced himself to pull away, grimacing on the inside upon seeing how close he’d been to doing just that. "Thanks. You're the best first officer ever."  
  
Spock gave him an unimpressed look. "I am your first and only first officer. You have no sufficient data."

 

 

 

 

 

  
~*~

 

  
  
Spock flipped his communicator shut and stood up. "It appears we will have to finish the game at another point in the future. That was Lieutenant Polezski. My presence is required at Laboratory 3."  
  
"Something wrong?" Jim said, getting to his feet as well and stepping closer to Spock.  
  
"Negative. Lieutenant merely requires my expertise." Spock met his eyes. Jim's lips parted and he licked them. "Good night, Captain."  
  
Jim frowned when Spock walked out of the room. For some reason, he felt… robbed.  
  
It took him a moment to realize why: he had been expecting—wanting—a goodnight kiss.  
  
Flopping heavily on his chair, Jim stared at the desk.  
  
Fuck.

 

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
A touch of lips.  
  
A shared breath.  
  
Exhale. Inhale.  
  
And then it was over. Too soon.  
  
Jim swallowed back a protesting whimper, clutching his own thighs awkwardly as Spock pulled away, looking as unruffled as ever.  
  
Jim couldn't say the same thing about him. He kind of wanted… wanted to pull Spock down for another not-kiss, but couldn't think of a reason to do it—and couldn't think of a reason of why he wanted it.  
  
Goddammit, what was  _wrong_ with him? His lips were trembling, and he couldn't stop staring at Spock's mouth.  
  
He turned around swiftly and walked to his desk, trying to get a grip on himself.  
  
"…Mr. Scott informed me that the modifications to food synthesizers would be completed approximately in two standard days. I attempted but was unable to receive a more precise estimation from him…"  
  
Spock was still talking, but Jim could barely concentrate on his words.  
  
He was too busy having a mild freak-out.  
  
Jim was self-aware enough to admit that lately he'd been coming up with the most ridiculous excuses to touch Spock and have Spock touch him, but he couldn't. fucking. stop. It was like he couldn't spend a few hours without feeling Spock's breathing mix with his own, even if it was just for a second.  
  
He was still sure that this strange urge—the desire to touch Spock—wasn't sexual or anything; he didn't even swing that way. It just... He just wanted to be close to Spock, and how weird was that? Was it normal to enjoy touching his male best friend so much that he badly wanted to make up some excuse to do it again?  
  
He was pretty sure it wasn't.  
  
"Jim, are you not paying attention?"  
  
Jim whirled around and smiled, meeting Spock's eyes. "Fuck, sorry, Spock. I'm just—I guess I'm distracted."  
  
Spock raised his eyebrow slightly. "May I inquire as to the reason?"  
  
Shrugging, Jim started setting up the chessboard, even though he didn't really feel like playing. But he also didn't particularly feel like saying  _I'm just freaking out because I realized I've been trying to come up with an excuse to have you touch my lips again._ Because yeah. That would go well.  
  
And the worst thing was, he couldn't talk about it to anyone. Bones was out of question, since he'd left for Earth to spend Christmas with his daughter and wouldn't be back for weeks. Marlena was out of question, too, since they weren't in the kind of relationship that involved sharing their thoughts with each other.  
  
So Jim just did his best to put the matter away out of his mind. It wasn't hard. He was pretty good at ignoring stuff he didn't know how to deal with.

 

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
Most of the time, Jim loved being a starship captain. He loved his crew and his ship and was pretty damn proud of both—but there were also days he hated being the Captain.  
  
 _That_ day was turning out to be one of those days.  
  
He'd lost three crewmembers of the landing party because of the artificial radiation field around the terrorists' base on Zixu IV; it turned out that even the environmental suits couldn't protect the away team sufficiently. They’d been lucky that Spock was in the landing party and carried half of the away team out of the danger zone before they could get a deadly dose. Due to his physiology, Spock turned out to be the only crewmember who could handle that type of radiation.  
  
Jim hated the idea of sending Spock back alone, but he was left with no choice. Starfleet's orders were clear: the Zixu terrorists had to be captured, and, if necessary, killed before they could attack Starfleet Headquarters, as they had been threatening. The admirals didn't give a flying fuck that Jim had already lost three men, and they didn't give a fuck that it was nearly a suicidal mission to send Spock to the base alone. Jim wanted to punch Komack's ugly face when the bastard told him that Spock was just a single person, while there were lives of thousands of people at stake. Asshole.  
  
Jim was torn out of his thoughts as Spock stepped on the transporter pad. Uhura followed him there and kissed him slightly on the lips. "Be careful, all right?"  
  
"I always am," Spock replied, and Uhura left the transporter room.  
  
Jim and Spock looked at each other. His gut tied in tight, painful knots, Jim stepped onto the pad. Took a careful breath in. Put a hand on Spock's shoulder.  
  
"Don't you dare die," he whispered furiously and, never minding Scotty's presence, pressed their lips together. They breathed into each other mouths, exchanging shallow, quick kisses. Jim didn't want to stop, didn't want to let go of him, and Spock didn't seem to want it either. Their touches became somewhat harder, lips lingering and parting a little, Spock's hands coming to rest on Jim's lower back.  
  
Jim didn't want to let go. Couldn't. Spock's place was here, in his arms. He wasn't allowed to die, dammit.  
  
Scotty cleared his throat. "Er, Captain? Commander?" he said awkwardly.  
  
With a sigh, Jim forced himself to pull away from Spock and took a deep breath. "You will come back," he said firmly, meeting Spock's dark eyes.  
  
His First Officer inclined his head, looking as composed as ever. Jim stepped off the pad and nodded to Scotty. "Energize."  
  
"Aye, Captain," Scotty muttered, looking at him strangely.

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

  
After Spock successfully disabled the radiation field, making it possible for the security team to beam down and help him capture the terrorists, and returned from the planet two hours and thirty-two minutes later—yes, Jim had been counting—they had another non-kiss session before the post-mission briefing.  
  
Jim hadn't really intended to do it in a goddamn conference room, but he'd been a little… all right, he'd been anxious as hell for hours, worrying about that pointy-eared bastard who'd somehow managed to crawl under his skin. So screw the decorum; Jim wanted to assure himself that Spock was alive and breathing, but he couldn't hug Spock as he would Bones. Touching lips was the only Spock-approved display of affection, so touching lips it was.  
  
He pressed his lips against Spock's the moment they entered the empty briefing room. Spock sighed and pressed their lips together harder, practically sucking and biting Jim's lips— _mmm_ —and Jim followed suit.  
  
They had to break apart when Sulu entered the room. Jim felt his face flush, because okay, he knew what it looked like. He cleared his throat. "Where are the others, Mr. Sulu? We're starting the post-mission briefing in—" He glanced at his watch. "—two minutes."  
  
"They're on the way, Captain," Sulu said, red-faced and uncomfortable as he looked from Spock to Jim..  
  
Jim winced on the inside, only then fully realizing how unprofessional it looked. Considering that he was with Marlena, and considering the fact the crew thought Spock and Uhura were together…  
  
Jim groaned inwardly. They probably looked like cheating cheaters from the planet Cheaterville.

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

  
"I heard the rumors," Marlena murmured as they lay next to each other after a round of sex.  
  
"What rumors?" Jim said, still trying to steady his breathing.  
  
Marlena propped herself on an elbow, her long dark hair falling over her full breasts. Jim admired the view idly.  
  
"About you and Mr. Spock. That you've been seen kissing."  
  
Jim heaved a sigh. "Look, it's not what it looks like, really."  
  
Marlena gave him an unimpressed stare, her dark eyes full of amusement. "You do realize that's the most cliché line in the world, right?"  
  
Jim laughed. "Yeah, all right, but it's really not what it looks like. He's—"  
  
She shook her head, whirling a long strand of black hair around her finger. "Look, you don't have to explain anything to me. I don't really care as long as we're clear on one thing: if you have something going on with him, we're over. Commander Spock is my department head and I don't want to piss him off, because a pissed-off Spock is scary.” She paused, then shrugged. “All right, he's  _hot_ when he's angry, but you know what I mean." She smirked. "You would know it especially well."  
  
Jim gave her an insulted look. "I'm your Commanding Officer, but you're afraid of Spock's wrath?"  
  
Marlena chuckled. "No offense, but yes. You're pretty down-to-earth, Jim, but the Commander can be scary, and he doesn't even have to raise his voice to scare people into subordination."  
  
Jim frowned, not sure if he should be flattered or offended. Was being down-to-earth a good thing for a Captain? He didn't exactly want his crew to be scared of him, but… Maybe he should distance himself from the crew a bit, as Spock kept telling him.  
  
"Don't worry," Jim murmured, squeezing Marlena's full breast in his hand. Damn, they were perfect. "Commander Spock won't kill you in a fit of jealousy. He’s my best friend, Marlena. And I don't swing that way, you know that." And even if he had, it was Spock. Spock was firmly in the category of 'friends.'  
  
And Jim didn't fuck friends, much less male ones.

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

  
Gossip was a perfectly normal thing. They were on a spaceship in the middle of nowhere, so people had to entertain themselves; Jim knew that.  
  
He knew that, but he was kind of sick of all the looks they had been getting lately - 'they' meaning Uhura, Marlena, Spock, and himself.  
  
"Dammit, I feel like a monkey in a zoo," Jim complained to Spock one evening, stabbing viciously the replicated mess on his plate with a fork.  
  
Spock looked at him across the table. They were having a dinner in Jim's quarters again. Eating in the mess hall was nearly impossible now because of all the staring and whispering. Not that Jim minded having Spock all to himself – he just never particularly liked being stared at.  
  
"I am accustomed to such rumors about Nyota and myself, but I must admit I did not expect that the crew's reaction about our supposed… affair would be so strong."  
  
Jim sighed. "Tell me about it. God, it's a good thing Bones is off the ship and won't be back for another couple of weeks. I don't even want to think of his reaction when he hears about this."  
  
"I believe… I should apologize," Spock said awkwardly.  
  
Jim's gaze snapped to him. "What? No, it's not your fault, Spock. If anything, it's mine."  
  
"Nevertheless," Spock said, his gaze firmly on his soup. "I apologize. Perhaps it would be prudent if we ceased engaging in  _kr'aa'rka_."  
  
Jim frowned and shook his head. "No way. I'm not giving it up only because of some stupid rumors. It's not like we have something to feel guilty about."  
  
Spock didn't lift his gaze from his soup.  
  
Sighing, Jim got up and walked around the table.  
  
"Look," he said, putting a hand on Spock's shoulder. Spock's body stiffened ever so slightly under his hand. "See, you don't even like when I touch you like that, but I'm an affectionate guy, and I like touching people I like. I'll go as far as saying that I  _need_ to touch people I like. It's the way I am, Spock. And touching lips is the only thing you seem to be fine with, so there's no way I'm going to stop doing that because of some stupid rumors, okay?" To affirm his words, Jim leaned down and pressed his lips to Spock's – soft, and tasting of plomeek soup. Jim smiled, pressed their lips together again.  _Mmm_.  
  
"Very well," Spock said when Jim tore his mouth away. "Finish your meal, Jim. You need nutrition."  
  
Jim rolled his eyes and returned to his seat, smiling. Strange, but he felt like he'd won something.

 

 

 

 

  
~*~

 

  
The next morning, Jim walked to Spock in the mess hall and, leaning down, not-kissed him with Marlena and Uhura just a few feet away. Screw it. That was his best friend and he was allowed to be affectionate with him the only way he could.  
  
"Do you think that was wise?" Spock said, returning to his meal, as if nothing happened and the crew wasn't gaping at them.  
  
Jim shrugged, taking a sip from his coffee. "Maybe not. I'm just sick of it. I hate when people try to make me feel guilty and ashamed when I didn't do anything to feel guilty about." His hand with the cup froze in the air. "Unless it makes you uncomfortable. Fuck, if it does, I'm sorry, Spock."  
  
Spock shook his head slightly, his dark eyes fixing on him with a strangest expression. "As I said, I am accustomed to such rumors about Nyota and myself. Professionally, it is, without doubt, not the wisest thing you could have done, Jim, but it is not against regulations."  
  
Jim laughed, clasping Spock's shoulder. "And that's the most important part, isn't it, Mr. Spock?"  
  
Spock's eyes smiled at him. "Always."  
  
Weird, but after that, the crew stopped staring at them and  _whispering_. Well, mostly. Jim had a sneaking suspicion that now they just thought that they were in a hot foursome.

 

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
Frowning, Jim watched Uhura smile and give Spock a light peck on the lips before retiring for the night.  
  
That was… was not good. Granted, they were on shore leave and no one looked twice their way, especially with the Christmas party going on, but still. Spock was Uhura's superior officer. Sure, Jim knew that the kiss wasn't really a  _kiss_ , but Starfleet Command wouldn't care if they caught the wind of it. While fraternization between officers of close ranks was more or less okay, fraternization between officers of unequal ranks was very much frowned upon because of the possible abuse of power.  
  
He had to put a stop to it if Spock didn't care about his reputation and career himself. It was his duty as a friend, wasn't it?  
  
Jim was still mulling it over when Spock headed to him. Jim smiled at the bright green and red scarf around Spock's neck—Chekov's gift.  
  
As soon as Spock was within reach, Jim looped his arms around his neck and pulled him for a kiss. Placing his hands on Jim's hips, Spock tugged him closer.  
  
After a while, they pulled apart.  
  
"I think you should stop doing Vulcan handshakes with Uhura," Jim said after a moment, when he remembered what he wanted to tell Spock.  
  
Spock's thumb gently stroked Jim's bottom lip, wiping the saliva off. "Why?"  
  
"She's just a lieutenant and you're a commander and a first officer of the ship. Starfleet won't be happy with you."  
  
"True. Yet you did not object while you thought Nyota and I were engaged in a romantic relationship."  
  
"Yeah, but that was different. Back then, I thought you were, like, in  _love_ and that it was worth the risk."  
  
Spock met his eyes. "Jim, while I more than understand your reasoning, Nyota would not. I believe she would find it offensive if I start rejecting her affectionate gestures."  
  
Jim looked him into the eye intently. "If she's really your friend and cares about you, she'll understand. Uhura is a smart girl." He brushed their lips lightly. "Come on, Spock. It's careless and stupid. You know that."  
  
Spock was looking him in the eye, but he seemed far away, his eyes somewhat unfocused. "Very well. I shall speak to her," he said before leaning in again.  
  
Jim grinned against Spock's lips.

 

 

 

 

  
~*~

 

  
"I can't fucking believe it."  
  
"'I can't fucking believe it,  _Captain_ ,'" Jim corrected Uhura, looking up from the Engineering report. "We might be in a rec room, but I didn't give you permission to speak candidly, Lieutenant, much less in that tone."  
  
Uhura glared at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Permission to speak candidly, Captain?"  
  
Jim thought for a moment. "Granted."  
  
"You're an ass. Captain."  
  
Sighing, Jim put the PADD aside. "Alright, let's hear it. What have I done now?"  
  
She pursed her lips. "Don't play coy, Jim. You know what this is about."  
  
"Well, I could make an educated guess, but feel free to enlighten me."  
  
No one could glare quite like Uhura. Jim wished he could.  
  
"You told Spock to stop being friends with me!"  
  
Jim raised his eyebrows. "Do you really believe that? I mean, really?"  
  
She huffed. "Well, no, but I know that it's you who persuaded him to stop doing _kr'aa'rka_  with me."  
  
"Yes. I did."  
  
She blinked, looking taken aback.  
  
"Look, Uhura," Jim said with a sigh. "You know as well as I do that fraternization between officers of unequal ranks would look very bad on Spock's record. No, listen to me first," Jim added when she opened her mouth to protest. "You and I know that it's not kissing, but the assholes at Headquarters don't, and, more importantly, they wouldn't care to find out the truth.” Jim rubbed his fingers against his temples. “You're his friend. I know you care about him."  
  
Uhura stared at him. "Right. But that's okay when Spock does it with  _you_?"  
  
Jim took a sip from his coffee. "A relationship between a captain and a first officer isn't against regulations, since the positions are close enough in rank and such a relationship isn't considered abuse of power. Not that we're in a relationship, of course."  
  
"Of course," Uhura snapped. "And I suppose the fact that you're sleeping with Marlena is okay, too? Double standards, much?"  
  
"First, I've never done anything sexual or romantic with Marlena in front of the crew. In public, we've always been complete professionals." Jim gave Uhura a pointed look. "Sure, there are a lot of rumors among the crew, but there's no proof to back it up. We’ve always been careful. Second, it's one thing to break regulations over an actual relationship, and completely another to break regulations over a Vulcan custom you can live without."  
  
She stared at him for a long moment. "You're such a hypocrite," she said at last. "And I swear to god, if you hurt Spock, I'll rip your balls off."  
  
"That was completely uncalled for," Jim said, picking up his PADD again. "I'd never hurt Spock."  
  
She made a strange sound between a snort and a sigh before storming away.  
  
Jim shook his head to himself.  _Women_. Their minds worked in mysterious ways.

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
Jim's life was kind of awesome.  
  
Admittedly, they were on a boring as hell star-mapping mission, but boring star-mapping missions also meant that no one from his crew got killed, and Jim loved them just for that reason alone.  
  
Jim had a routine. He woke up, dragged his ass to the bathroom he shared with Spock, pissed, showered, brushed his teeth, went to Spock's quarters, had a breakfast and a morning not-kiss, and then he and Spock went to the bridge and proceeded with their respective duties. Then they went to the mess to have lunch together (even though Spock didn't "require nutrition at this time"), went back to the bridge using the turbolift B (where Jim gave Spock a not-kiss just because he could and loved his friend). After the end of their shift, they went to Spock's or Jim's quarters and had a meal together, discussing work-related business. Sometimes they played chess or did something else for fun—paperwork (Spock's idea of fun), virtual games (Jim's), or they somehow ended up having a not-kiss session (which both of them found agreeable). After they parted their ways, Jim usually went to Marlena's and proceeded to have hours of pretty mind-blowing sex, because he had all that weird energy buzzing under his skin and really, really wanted to fuck.  
  
The next day, his routine repeated, unless it wasn't interrupted by some minor catastrophe or a red alert.  
  
So yeah, Jim's life was pretty awesome.  
  
And then Bones came back from Earth and ruined all the fun.

 

 

 

 

  
~*~

 

  
Bones pinched the bridge of his nose. "Alright, let me get it straight. A good chunk of the crew saw you and the hobgoblin trying to suck each other's faces off, but you're insisting that you've never kissed and that you're just friends. Oh, and let's not forget the little detail that both of you have _girlfriends_."  
  
Jim winced. "Look, I know how it looks, but it's really not what it looks like."  
  
Bones gave him a flat look.  
  
Jim chuckled. "Bones, it's really not. Spock and I…We're just misunderstood."  
  
"Misunderstood," Bones repeated, staring at him incredulously. "Well, enlighten me, then."  
  
Jim brushed a hand through his hair. "Er... Where to start?"  
  
"From the beginning would be good."  
  
"Well, it began like that..."

 

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

  
"...so, that's how it started," Jim finished. "See? It's only a matter of cultural misunderstanding."  
  
Bones had a pained look on his face as he stared at Jim.  
  
"What?"  
  
Bones sighed heavily. "Can you do me a favor?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"The next time you do a 'Vulcan handshake'" – Bones snorted at that - "please satisfy my curiosity and check if either of you have a hard-on, all right?"  
  
Jim stared at him before laughing. "Funny, Bones. Real funny."  
  
"Not kidding here."  
  
"Then you need an appointment with Dr. Amauri."  
  
Bones scowled. "I'm not crazy."  
  
Jim raised his eyebrows. "Bones, do you really think that I wouldn't notice if I had a boner? I mean, really?" He decided not to mention those times he had, in fact, come very close to getting a hard-on. He was a young guy with a healthy sex drive and his body had certain needs. Under right (or wrong, really) circumstances, he might get a boner even over Keenser or Bones (which was equally disturbing).  
  
Bones frowned before sighing. "No, maybe—I dunno. It just sounds very strange."  
  
"I know, Bones. I thought it was weird, too, when I just found out, but it really is just a matter of cultural misinterpretation. I know that it might seem like kissing to humans, but Spock  _isn't_  human—at least, he was raised as a Vulcan—and we should respect customs of his people, too." Jim felt a smile stretch his lips. "And you have no idea how much it loosens him up."  
  
Bones frowned thoughtfully. "You could be right. I kinda tend to forget that Spock must have his own customs and shit. It's not really fair for the poor guy to be constantly subjected only to our customs."  
  
Jim grinned and, clasping his friend's shoulder, got to his feet. "I knew you'd get it, Bones!"  
  
"Yeah, whatever," Bones grumbled, snorting. "As long as I don’t have to indulge in those Vulcan customs. How are things with Marlena, by the way?"  
  
"Great. She's awesome." Jim looked at his watch. "All right, I've gotta go. Come by my quarters at 2000. Spock will be there too. We'll catch up and everything. I'll give you the Christmas gift Spock and I picked for you." He smiled fondly at the memory. "Well, the one I bought for you, but I forced Spock to tag along while I shopped, so it's totally from both of us."  
  
"Yeah, whatever. See you then."

 

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
Bones kept giving them odd looks, and it started getting on Jim's nerve after a while.  
  
"What?" Jim said, taking a gulp from his bottle. "Something's wrong?"  
  
"Well, first off, you're drinking Andorian wine," Bones pointed after sipping from his own bottle. "Since when do you drink wine? You've always been a beer guy."  
  
Jim looked down at the bottle in his hand then shrugged. "Stuff happens. Tastes change."  
  
The real reason of why he was drinking wine was seated next to him. Spock couldn't stand the taste of beer, and, after Jim had been denied not-kisses a few times, he decided  _what the hell_. Beer wasn't worth it. He could drink wine if it made his friend happier. Never let it be said that Jim wasn't an understanding friend.  
  
Bones looked at him skeptically but didn't comment.  
  
"You said 'first,' so there must be at least a second, Doctor," Spock said, sipping his chocolate milkshake idly. Spock never allowed himself to drink more than a certain amount –it meant a loss of control, and so he never got drunk, much to Jim's disappointment.  
  
But, while Spock never got drunk, he  _could_  get a bit tipsy, and, at the moment, he was. A tipsy Spock had very few differences from a sober Spock, but those differences did exist. A tipsy Spock's personal space was much smaller than a sober Spock's, and he allowed Jim sit really close to him, just like they were sitting at the moment: their shoulders pressed together, arms touching. A tipsy Spock tolerated Jim's touch much better than a sober Spock. A tipsy Spock did that not-smiling thing when the corners of his lips twitched up more often than a sober Spock.  
  
Needless to say, Jim loved  when Spock was tipsy.  
  
"Second," Bones said in that patented 'I'm-surrounded-by-idiots' tone. "Jim's been touching your stomach for the last fifteen minutes and you didn't even blink."  
  
Jim blinked then, looking at the hand that wasn't holding the bottle of wine. Huh. The treacherous limb was indeed lying on Spock's stomach. He must have been more drunk than he’d thought.  
  
"Huh, my hand's really on your belly," Jim said, staring at said hand. "Man; how’d it get there?"  
  
"You are inebriated," Spock said in an amused undertone, taking Jim's bottle from him and putting it on the deck.  
  
"Nope, I'm not," Jim objected and stroked the fabric of the grey cashmere shirt he'd given Spock for Christmas. So soft. It had reminded him of Spock and that was why Jim bought it, though now he wasn't sure why – there was nothing soft about Spock.  
  
"I think it is time for you to retire," Spock said and made a move to get up.  
  
Jim caught him by his sleeve. "Hey, where's my good-night handshake?"  
  
Spock stared at him, then leaned in and touched his lips gently. Jim sighed in contentment and pressed their lips harder, because he liked firmer handshakes (if it sounded weird even in his own head, whatever). He felt Spock suck on his bottom lip a little—something he didn't do as often as Jim would like him to—and he put a hand on Spock's neck to pull him closer. Everything felt warm and wonderful and there was Spock everywhere.  
  
 _Love you,_  Jim thought, that weird little happy feeling twisting in his gut. He was damn lucky to have someone like Spock as his friend. Spock was awesome and great, and…  
  
When they finally pulled apart, Jim felt a bit dizzy and had to blink a few times until his gaze focused on Bones who was staring at them with wide eyes.  
  
"What, Bones?" Jim said with a happy smile, feeling drunk on wine and happiness. Damn, he wanted to hug Bones—he  _loved_ Bones.  
  
"What the  _fuck_ ," Bones managed, staring at them. "This wasn't a 'Vulcan handshake.'"  
  
Jim blinked and then laughed. "Like you know a thing about Vulcan handshakes, Bones!"  
  
"Actually, I  _do_ ," Bones said, scowling. "I looked them up after our conversation, and let me show you how it's done." He got up from his chair and, walking over to Jim, gave him a lightest peck on his lips. Jim barely felt it. " _That_  is a 'Vulcan handshake.' What you and Spock did was _kissing_."  
  
Jim looked at Spock, expecting him to tell Bones to stop being illogical. He found Spock's face carefully blank. He also seemed to be avoiding his eyes.  
  
"The doctor is not incorrect, Captain," he said, rather stiffly, getting to his feet. He clasped his hands behind his back. "I should apologize. I allowed myself unacceptable liberties while touching you. Rest assured that it will not happen again. Now, if you will excuse me, I am needed elsewhere."  
  
Jim could only blink as Spock strode out of the room. "He's not needed anywhere," he said dumbly. He would know; he knew Spock's schedule better than his own.  
  
Bones sighed and pulled a hypo out of his pocket. "This’ll help you sober up, and then we're gonna have a nice talk, Jim."  
  
"Sounds like fun."

 

 

~*~

 

Bones's "talk" went something along these lines:  
  
"What the hell, Jim?!  
  
"How could you possibly think that Vulcans—goddamn Vulcans—sucked each other's lips for minutes as a way of expressing affection or  _gratitude_  or whatever?  
  
"I've got no idea what the hobgoblin was thinking and, frankly, I don't give a damn, but what the hell have you  been thinking?!  
  
"You've been basically cheating on your girlfriend in front of the entire crew! Shut up – kissing counts as cheating, too! Yes, it was a kiss, dammit, and no, I don't care that there were no tongues involved!"  
  
Jim really,  _really_  hated his life. And he hated Bones, too, because Bones never failed to make him feel like an emotionally stunted idiot  _and_  the worst kind of a douche.

 

 

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
  
The next day, Jim got up, dragged his ass to the bathroom, pissed, showered, brushed his teeth, went to Spock's quarters, and then—  
  
And then his routine broke. When Spock opened his door, he was giving off so many 'don't touch me' vibes that Jim didn't dare to come within four feet of Spock, much less to the distance required for their usual morning not-kiss.  
  
"Captain," Spock said during breakfast, his voice neither friendly nor hostile. "After prolonged consideration, I came to the conclusion that we should cease engaging in  _kr'aa'rka._ "  
  
"Oh." Jim blinked. "Okay. I mean. Sure, Spock."  
  
He put on a friendly smile, but, truth be told, he didn't understand why Bones and Spock were making such a big deal of it. Sure, they’d gotten a bit overenthusiastic about Vulcan handshakes, but it wasn't like they’d French-kissed or anything. Why couldn't they at least give a peck to each other, like they used to in the very beginning?  
  
But Jim was a good friend, and, like a good friend, he decided to respect Spock's decision, and let it go.  
  
They finished their breakfast, went to the bridge, had a lunch in the mess hall, then used turbolift B to return to the bridge. Jim's routine broke again, because there was no usual not-kiss. Instead, Spock buried his nose in the PADD he'd produced out of nowhere, and Jim stared at Spock.  
  
Okay. Reminding himself that he respected Spock's decision, Jim said nothing.  
  
When their shift ended, Jim followed Spock to his quarters, as usual.  
  
"Jim, I am going to be rather occupied tonight at the Astrophysics laboratories," Spock said, opening the door to his quarters. "Have a good evening."  
  
And the door slid shut right in front of Jim's nose.  
  
 _Okay._  
  
Jim turned around, trying to calm down and not to do anything stupid and pathetic – like clinging to Spock and asking him if he'd done something wrong.  
  
His mood considerably darker, he went to Marlena's quarters, figuring that at least  _that_  part of his routine would stay as awesome as it had been lately.  
  
He'd thought wrong. The sex was off.  _He_  was off. He barely managed to get hard and couldn't stay so throughout the sex. He didn't come at all, and he usually did twice or three times a night.  
  
"It happens to every guy, Jim," Marlena said gently.  
  
Jim glared at her, his cheeks hot. "Not to me," he said though his teeth, zipping his pants up. Humiliated and embarrassed beyond words, he practically fled from her cabin.  
  
 _Maybe it's karma_ , Jim thought grimly, striding though the corridors. Or maybe Bones was right about space and diseases.  
  
As soon as he returned to his room, Jim flopped on his bed and buried his hands in his hair.  
  
Fuck, he would  _never_   be able to look Marlena into the eye. And he would be a laughing stock of the entire crew, because by tomorrow, everyone would know. Not that Jim thought that Marlena would gossip, but it was the Enterprise _._  Things like that just always managed to become public knowledge.  
  
Goddammit, he wanted to die.  
  
He wanted Spock.  
  
 _What the hell_ , Jim thought and reached for his communicator. Spock was on his speed-dial, of course.  
  
 _"Captain?"_  
  
Jim felt his shoulders relax, the tension leaving his body at the sound of Spock's low voice. "Hey. Are you busy?"  
  
 _"Is something amiss?"_  
  
Jim narrowed his eyes, not having missed that Spock was avoiding answering the question until he could find out if it was urgent or not. Spock was one sneaky son-of-a-bitch, but that was okay, because Jim was a younger sibling in his family and knew how to play this game.  
  
"Yeah," he said, letting his voice sound more pathetic than he actually felt. "Can you come to my quarters, please?"  
  
Jim could practically hear Spock's concern increase and grinned, knowing Spock's answer before he even uttered it.  
  
 _"I will be there in 5.3 minutes. Spock out."_  
  
Jim leaned back on his pillows, thought for a moment, then climbed under the covers. He turned down the lights and waited.  
  
Spock, being Spock, buzzed on his door precisely 5.3 minutes later. His punctuality was, as always, adorable.  
  
"Computer, open the door," Jim ordered, not getting up.  
  
"Jim?"  
  
"Here," Jim murmured in his most pathetic voice—which didn't take a lot of effort because he felt pretty pathetic and shitty. His man-pride was fucking wounded, and he was resorted to playing pathetic games in order to have Spock's attention, which was pretty pathetic in itself.  
  
He heard footsteps and then Spock's voice sounded from somewhere above him. "Jim, are you ill?"  
  
Jim considered his answer. He couldn't lie to Spock outright. Well, he  _could_ , but he didn’t want to. "No."  
  
"In that case, why are you in bed so early in the evening?"  
  
"I feel shitty," Jim said honestly.  _And I want you to make me feel me better._  He didn't say it aloud; it sounded wretched enough in his own head. "I couldn't get it up," he said instead, then cringed.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
All right, it was too late to backtrack. "I was with Marlena and couldn't get it up, okay? Like, couldn't even get an erection."  
  
Spock went silent for a few moments.  
  
"Jim," he said finally, his tone careful. "As I understand it, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It does not mean that you are—"  
  
"Finish that sentence and you're dead," Jim promised. "Has it happened to you? Ever?"  
  
A pause. "Negative."  
  
Jim laughed into the pillow, feeling worse than ever. "Great. Fantastic."  
  
The mattress dipped as Spock sat next to him. "I am at a loss as to what you require from me. Why did you hail me and not Doctor McCoy? Do you wish something?"  
  
At that moment, Jim realized that, yes, he really did wish something. Something he was craving all of this craptastic day.  
  
"I want your mouth," Jim said. Spock appreciated straight-forwardness, right?  
  
He could hear Spock's breathing hitch.  
  
"We discussed this, Jim. We cannot engage in  _kr'aa'rka_  anymore."  
  
"Why? I think it's stupid that we should stop doing that because we don’t do it like other Vulcans do. Who said we should follow those rules? We can invent our own. You liked doing it the way we did, right?"  
  
Spock was silent for a long moment.  
  
"Yes," he said finally. "I did."  
  
Jim smiled and licked his lips. "Same here. Come on."  
  
Spock didn't make him wait. Jim turned on his back, and a moment later, Spock was already pressing his lips to his. God.  
  
 _Screw Bones, and screw Marlena._  
  
Jim wrapped his arms around Spock's neck and nipped at Spock's lips, feeling that weird little happy feeling spread through him. God, so good. He never wanted this to end, never wanted to let go of Spock or stop touching him.  
  
Spock pulled away way too soon, in Jim's opinion. "Have your spirits improved?" Spock inquired, giving him another peck.  
  
Jim smiled at him. "Uh-huh. More."  
  
Spock just stared down at him with inscrutable expression before pressing their lips back together.

 

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
  
The next morning, Bones had a fit when he found out that Jim had talked Spock into keeping up their little tradition. Jim dealt with Bones's fit the way he always did: nodded, told Bones he was totally right, and did things his own way.  
  
Surprisingly, the news of his… problem didn't seem to have spread through the ship, to Jim's immense relief. Though he probably shouldn't have been as surprised as he was – Marlena was great woman who knew how to be discreet.  
  
Jim spent the entire day thinking of whether he should go to Marlena's or not. He was still more than a little humiliated when he thought of what had happened—or, rather, what  _hadn't_ —but hell, he would have to face her sooner or later. The longer he put it off, the more awkward it was going to be.  
  
With that in his mind, Jim decided to head to Marlena's room right after the end of his shift.  
  
"I'll see you later," Jim told Spock as they entered the turbolift. "I need to go talk to Marlena first."  
  
Spock regarded him with a slightly cocked head. "You appear anxious."  
  
Jim forced a smile, brushing a hand through his hair. "Yeah, a bit. It's just awkward. I have no idea how to discuss stuff like that. Would she want to break up?"  
  
Spock did that thing with his eyebrows that indicated that he was feeling extreme exasperation. "Jim, I told you that a one-time occurrence does not make you—"  
  
Jim put his fingers against Spock's lips, cutting him off. "Don't. I know that, Spock, but that doesn't make it less awkward or embarrassing, believe me." He chuckled. "I'm an illogical human, remember? And we illogical human guys have this thing called male pride. And male pride is directly linked to one’s penis."  
  
"Illogical, indeed," Spock said dryly as the turbolift stopped on the deck of Marlena’s quarters.  
  
"See you," Jim said and, leaning in, gave him a peck on the lips. He forced himself to keep the touch brief and light; he had to keep his head clear for the upcoming conversation with Marlena.  
  
It startled Jim when Spock bit his lip hard, tugging it into his mouth with his teeth.  
  
Jim gasped before laughing breathlessly, "I've gotta go—mmm—really."  
  
"Go," Spock whispered, sucking on Jim's lip and pulling him closer.  
  
"I can't," Jim sighed. "Stop."  
  
Spock stopped, clasping his hands behind his back and avoiding Jim's eyes.  
  
Helplessly, Jim started leaning to him again before he caught himself and quickly left the turbolift, feeling even more confused.  
  
What the hell was going on? That buzzing under his skin and the warmth in his gut that appeared every time Spock touched him surely wasn't normal. Jim might have had selective observational skills, but he wasn't an idiot. The whole thing was turning into a  _thing_ —a thing he couldn't imagine his life without.  
  
But he still didn't think Bones was right: it wasn't about sex at all. Jim knew sex—was  _awesome_  at sex—and he knew how it felt to want someone sexually. Even when he was hard as rock, he never felt something remotely like that: no buzzing under his skin, no warm, intoxicating pleasure. Besides, Jim wasn't even into guys. It wasn't that he was in denial, or homophobic, or something—he simply didn't get turned on by cocks and flat chests, end of story. All his experience with guys was limited to a drunken handjob at the Academy that wasn't even worth acknowledging the morning after.  
  
So no, he was sure it wasn't about sex.  
  
"Jim?"  
  
Jim looked up, realizing that his feet had brought him to Marlena's room without him noticing. "Hey. Can I come in?"  
  
"Sure." She stepped aside to let him in.  
  
Jim walked into her tiny room, stopping next to her bunk. "I. I wanted to talk about—er."  
  
She smiled, looking way too amused for his liking. "If it's about your little problem, I actually wanted to talk about it, too."  
  
Jim pushed a hand into his back pocket. "You did?"  
  
She nodded, regarding him with a cocked head. Jim had a weird sense of déjà-vu. "Yes. I've been thinking maybe it's a sign that we should spice up our sex life a bit?"  
  
Jim schooled his face into a neutral expression. Usually he was all for experimentation, but, considering the yesterday's fiasco, his pride was more than a little wounded. "Sure," he said, keeping his voice casual. "What do you have in mind?"  
  
Marlena met his eyes. "You've heard the rumor about you, me, Uhura, and Spock being in a foursome, right?"  
  
Jim chuckled but his laughter died in his throat when he realized what she wanted. "What? Are you serious?"  
  
Blushing slightly and smiling, she nodded.  
  
Jim shook his head quickly. "Uhura isn't even—"  
  
"I'm not talking about her," Marlena clarified. "The Commander."  
  
Jim's mouth went slack.  
  
He stared at her, completely at a loss for words.  
  
On one hand, it was a decent blow to his ego that she wanted another guy to share their bed, as if he couldn't satisfy her by himself.  
  
On the other hand, there was something about the thought of sharing her with  _Spock_ —of Spock in the same bed as them—that sent a jolt of excitement through his body.  
  
He licked his lips. "That's… kind of unexpected. Weren't you scared of Spock or something? He's your department head."  
  
She chuckled, flushing even harder. "Jim, all of us are a little scared of him and all of us have a bit of a crush on him. He's always intrigued me. And he's so strong, and has  _amazing_  hands—"  
  
"Keep it up and I might get offended," Jim said with a small laugh. He pushed the other hand into his back pocket. "Alright. I'll talk to him, but Spock doesn't strike me as a threesome guy, so don't get your hopes up."  
  
Marlena shrugged. "It's worth a try. Go."  
  
Jim's jaw dropped. "What, now?"  
  
Folding her arms over her chest, she raised her eyebrows. "Sure, why not?"  
  
 _Easy for her to say_ , Jim thought as he headed to Spock's room. He had trouble even imagining how he would breach the topic with Spock; they weren't the kind of friends who talked about sex. Secretly, when Jim thought about it, he’d always thought Spock was a virgin or had next to no sexual experience; he was a Vulcan, after all. Vulcans were weird about touching, so they should be weird about sex, too, right?  
  
"Jim?"  
  
Jim nearly jumped, finding himself looking at Spock. Damn, he really should stop woolgathering.  
  
"Hey," he said, the corners of his lips involuntarily curling up.  
  
Raising a dark eyebrow, Spock stepped aside, letting him into his quarters. "I expected you would stay in Lieutenant Moreau's company longer."  
  
"Uh, actually, she sent me to talk to you."  
  
Spock's eyebrow lifted higher. "Indeed?"  
  
Jim nodded and, with more confidence than he actually felt, said, "She wants us – that is, her and me – to spice up our sex life." When no reaction from Spock followed, he went on, "She, er, wants you to join us." Jim chuckled harshly, looking anywhere but Spock. God, why was he so embarrassed all of a sudden? He never got embarrassed over sex. "Look, I told her that you'd never agree to this—that it's not your style—but she wanted me to try anyway."  
  
When Spock made no sound, Jim finally gathered the nerve to look at him.  
  
His friend's face was as inscrutable as ever as he clasped his hands behind his back. "Jim, am I correct in understanding that you are asking me to engage in sexual intercourse with your sexual partner while you watch the proceedings?"  
  
Okay. That was a sentence he had never expected hearing from Spock.  
  
Chuckling again, Jim ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah—no. Maybe. She didn't really specify details, but I guess she wants us both to…"  
  
Spock's inscrutable expression didn't change, his dark eyes fixed on Jim. "The way you speak makes it apparent that it is she who wishes it, not you. What is your opinion on the matter? Do you not mind sharing your sexual partner with another male?"  
  
Jim shifted slightly, getting more surprised by the minute. He had thought Spock would flatly refuse and that would be it, but it looked like Spock was seriously considering it.  
  
He shrugged. "I don't mind. I mean, I probably would mind more if it were someone else, but it's you, so… Besides, it wouldn't be the first time I shared a woman with another guy. I'm not the jealous type."  
  
Spock stared at him for a long while, his face blank and eyes unreadable. "She is my direct subordinate."  
  
Jim grimaced. "Yeah."  
  
"Fraternizing with her is in direct violation of Starfleet Regulation 4118-1A."  
  
Jim grimaced again. "Believe me, I know. I break that regulation every goddamn day."  
  
"And put your career at risk," Spock said evenly. Too evenly.  
  
Surprised, Jim examined his face. Spock had never expressed even a hint of disapproval of his relationship with Marlena.  
  
Finding Spock's face blank, he shrugged. "You know I'm not a big fan of rules. Besides, we've always been careful. But right now, we aren't talking about me." Jim sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Look, Spock. I can't ask this from you. To be honest, I didn't expect you to agree. I'm doing this so that I can honestly tell her I tried."  
  
Spock eyed him for a long moment.  
  
"I agree."  
  
Jim's eyes widened. "Wait. Really?"  
  
"Indeed."  
  
For a few moments, Jim could only stare at him.  
  
Then he walked over to Spock and touched his lips slightly. "Thanks. Let's go, then, mm?"

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
Jim wasn't sure what he expected, but he definitely didn't think he’d be the one who would feel awkward and self-conscious about a threesome. Spock and Marlena seemed very much at ease, while he felt weirdly self-conscious about undressing before Spock, even if the lights were dimmed down.  
  
The whole thing was surreal as fuck. He still had trouble believing that Spock had agreed to this, and yet here he was, clad only in regulation black boxer-briefs: wide shoulders, narrow waist and hips, pale and flawless skin, dark chest hair curling between greenish nipples down to—  
  
"Before we proceed," Spock said, making Jim's gaze snap back to his face. Spock was looking at him. "I wish to ascertain that Lieutenant Moreau understands that this will not have any influence on our professional relationship."  
  
"Lieutenant Moreau is present and can speak for herself," Marlena said with a note of humor, but Jim could also hear arousal in her voice. "And I understand, Commander."  
  
Tearing his eyes away from Spock, Jim looked at Marlena, who was only in her panties, her full breasts bared for them to look. She had a hand outstretched to him. "Jim."  
  
Kicking off his pants, Jim walked over to her and let her pull him down for a kiss. It was familiar and good, and he got half-hard—thank god. She suddenly broke the kiss and Jim felt a movement beside him. Opening his eyes, Jim saw her pull Spock's head down to her.  
  
He watched them kiss and felt... he didn't know. His gut was twisting unpleasantly and he felt almost physically sick. It was weird and  _wrong_  watching Spock's tongue curl around Marlena's in a real, human kiss.  
  
After a few moments, Spock broke the kiss and met his eyes. He probably saw something on Jim's face, because he stepped closer to him and looked him intently in the eye. "Jim, if this makes you uncomfortable, it is not too late to change your mind," he said softly, and touched his lips shallowly —not at all like he did with Marlena.  
  
And suddenly, Jim was pissed.  
  
He yanked Spock against him, bit Spock's lip hard, and sucked on it greedily, thinking  _mine, god, only mine._ Spock's lips were his.  
  
Startled and creeped out by his own possessiveness, Jim let go of Spock. "I…" he managed, licking his lips, before shifting his gaze to Marlena who was watching them strangely. "Let's get into the bed."  
  
She nodded and, kicking off her underwear, climbed into the bed, completely naked. She looked unbelievably hot, and Jim stole a glance at Spock to see if he was appreciating the view. Spock wasn't looking at Marlena, though; his dark eyes were fixed on Jim.  
  
Jim's belly tightened. "C'mon," he said, nodding towards the bed but not breaking eye contact.  
  
Spock inclined his head slightly, his gaze dropping from Jim's eyes down his body until it stopped on the bulge under Jim's boxers.  
  
Yup, definitely not an impotent. He couldn't wait to get inside Marlena.  
  
His face hot, Jim tugged his boxers down, feeling oddly like he was undressing for Spock. Avoiding Spock's eyes, he stepped out of his underwear and climbed onto the bed, stretching next to Marlena. She pulled him for a kiss and Jim's lips kissed back, though his mind was elsewhere. His mind was on Spock, who must have been looking at them—looking at their naked, tangled bodies. The mere thought made his cock ache and drool pre-cum. Strange; he'd never thought of himself as an exhibitionist.  
  
Breaking the kiss, Jim lowered his head to Marlena's lush breasts and took a pink nipple into his mouth. She moaned, tugging his head closer. Closing his eyes, Jim obligingly sucked on the nipple, causing her gasp and moan against him. The hair on Jim's neck stood up when the bed dipped under Spock's weight, but he didn't open his eyes.  
  
"Oh  _yes,_ " Marlena gasped out suddenly, and Jim's eyes flew open.  
  
He found Spock's head next to his, his mouth around the other pink nipple. Spock sucked and licked it, looking Jim right into the eye. Fuck, this was… so hot and so  _wrong_. Jim's own nipples started aching the longer he watched Spock suck Marlena's, and Jim rubbed them absent-mindedly. Spock's eyes flickered to them, and the next moment, Jim's hand was moved away from his nipples as Spock's replaced it.  
  
"Holy—" Jim breathed out against Marlena's breast as Spock started rubbing and tweaking his sensitive nipples. It felt good. It felt so good.  _But I bet Spock's mouth would feel even better_ , he thought dazedly, his mind clouding with arousal. As if in a dream, Jim found himself moving closer to Spock, until his left nipple was just a few inches away from Spock's lips. Fuck, it was crazy, but he badly wanted Spock to let go of Marlena's nipple and take Jim’s in his mouth.  
  
Spock's eyes flickered from Jim's face to his chest and back, almost hesitantly.  
  
As an answer, Jim pushed his chest even closer to Spock's mouth.  _Come on; take it into your mouth. Your mouth is mine. Mine, not Marlena's._  
  
Jim moaned as Spock finally did, latching onto Jim’s nipple and covering it in kisses, licks and bites. "Fuck," he gasped out, burying his hands in Spock's hair and massaging his scalp as Spock worshipped his chest. Distantly, he was aware how strange what they were doing was, but right now, he couldn't give a damn. So good. He couldn't get enough. Wanted more.  
  
His half-lidded eyes suddenly caught Marlena's, who was staring at them with wide eyes, her pupils blown. Jim opened his mouth to ask what she wanted him to do, but at the moment Spock bit his nipple hard and the only thing that left Jim's mouth was a groan and a rasped, "More."  
  
His eyes closing, Jim fell onto his back, tugging Spock with him until Spock's hard, heavy body was pressing him down. "God, fuck," he muttered as his hard, leaking cock rubbed against the hair on Spock's belly. He wondered dazedly whether Spock would get offended if Jim rutted against him. Probably yes.  
  
"Spock," he said hoarsely, clutching Spock's back as he tortured his nipples. "I need—I need—wanna come—"  
  
Spock looked up and examined his face intently, eyes dark and intense. Something crossed his face before he rolled off of Jim, lying beside him. Jim whimpered at the loss of the delicious weight and stared at Spock incomprehensibly before Spock snapped to Marlena, "Pleasure him."  
  
Jim gasped as Marlena’s hot, wet pussy suddenly engulfed his cock. She started riding him, her inner walls slick and perfect around him, but Jim couldn't look away from Spock. "C'mere," he asked, staring at Spock's mouth. "Come on."  
  
With something like a sigh, Spock leaned down and kissed him hard. Jim's eyes widened – Spock was  _kissing_  him. For real. With tongue and everything. He knew he probably should have been freaking out, but he wasn't. Instead, he found himself moaning and sucking on Spock's tongue like it was the sweetest thing in the world and Jim would die if he didn't taste it.  
  
He came hard inside Marlena, groaning into Spock's mouth, the force of his orgasm causing him black out.

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
  
When Jim woke up, Marlena was sitting next to him, fully clothed. Spock was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Hey," Jim said, pretty disoriented. "How long was I out?"  
  
She was looking at him oddly. "About an hour."  
  
Jim grimaced. "Sorry about that. And sorry for being a dick and pretty much ignoring you during…"  
  
Did he really act like a possessive caveman over his best friend's  _mouth_  and forced Spock to put his mouth on Jim's lips and nipples instead of Marlena's? He totally did.  
  
At times like that, Jim wondered if he really was just as messed up in the head as Bones claimed he was. Jim had always been bad at sharing his stuff, but that was a bit over the top even for him.  
  
Marlena shrugged, smiling slightly. "I came, so it wasn't that bad. And it was hot watching you and the Commander, though Spock was…" She averted her gaze, frowning.  
  
"What?" Jim said, sitting up, and started at the sight of his swollen, abused nipples. His ears growing hot, he climbed out of the bed.  
  
She shrugged again. "Even if I'm right, I don't think it's my place to tell you."  
  
Despite his curiosity, Jim changed the subject, knowing that it was useless to try getting something out of Marlena if she didn't want to talk about it.  
  
"So where is Spock?" Jim said, tugging his pants up and zipping up.  
  
"He left right after you passed out."  
  
Jim's hands went still on his zipper. He frowned. "You mean… he didn’t get anything out of it?"  
  
Marlena's lips curled into a faint smile. "Well, I wouldn't put it like that, but he definitely didn't come." She chuckled. "If Vulcans even come. Maybe they don't. He didn't take his boxers off, so I didn't get a good look at his equipment. Who knows, maybe he's different down there."  
  
Jim slipped into his shirt. "Great. I invited him to join us, but he didn't even..." He sighed. "I've gotta go talk to him."  
  
She shook her head. "The Commander is probably in the astrophysics labs right now."  
  
"Ah, right. Some fascinating nebula to observe," Jim muttered, nodding. "See you."  
  
He was almost at the door when her voice stopped him. "Jim, do you want to do it again at some point?"  
  
Biting his lip, Jim stared at the door before him. He wasn't sure. The sex had been too confusing, too strange, and too intense. But what came out of his mouth was,  
  
"Yeah. Sure." After a moment, he asked, "Do you?"  
  
A beat passed before she replied. "I'm not sure it's a good idea."  
  
Jim turned back to her. "Why? You were the one who wanted to invite Spock into our bed."  
  
Folding her arms over her chest, she shrugged. "Sure, but that was before I saw how…" She looked away. "Remember what I told you a while back? That we're over if there's something between you and the Commander? I still stick to it."  
  
"But there's nothing—" Jim started but her incredulous look cut him off. He took a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts. "Okay. Maybe there is something, but I'm not sure what the hell it is, and it's definitely not what you think. I'm not into guys at all."  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "You could've fooled me an hour ago."  
  
Jim chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, I see your point, but it's not— Fuck, I'm pretty sure I was just too caught up in the moment to care that Spock has a dick as opposed to a pussy. A mouth is just a mouth, right?"  
  
She stared at him thoughtfully before shaking her head. "It's not that I don't believe you; I've never seen you express even a slight interest in guys. It's just…"  
  
"What?" Jim said, a bit exasperatedly.  
  
She smiled slyly. "For a second, it looked like you'd gladly spread your legs for him if he asked."  
  
She laughed at his expression.

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
  
The next morning, as Jim stood before Spock's door, he wasn't that sure anymore of anything he'd told Marlena. Actually, at the moment, he wasn't sure of anything at all.  
  
Jim took a deep breath and knocked.  
  
After a few moments, the door slid open.  
  
"Captain," Spock greeted him, his expression neutral.  
  
Jim's stomach tightened.  
  
"Hey," he said, eyeing Spock intently but unable to guess what mood he was in. Spock wasn't giving the 'don't touch me' vibes, but he'd called him 'Captain,' which never was a good sign. "Can I come in?"  
  
"Of course," Spock said, stepping aside.  
  
The door whooshed shut behind Jim, but Jim didn't walk into the room. Instead, impulsively, he leaned in and pressed their lips together, just to test things out. "Morning," he murmured against Spock's lips. A shared breath; the warmth of Spock's lips; Spock's hard, strong body against him. None of that was new, but, at the same time, everything felt different. More intimate.  
  
And he kind of wanted to push Spock's lips open and lick the inside of his mouth.  
  
Fuck _._  
  
More than a little freaked out, Jim pulled away.  
  
It had been one thing to French-kiss Spock in the heat of the moment, but  _this_  was completely different.  
  
He wasn't into guys. Or, at least up until this point, he'd been completely sure of his heterosexuality, old-fashioned though it was. He was twenty-seven, for heaven's sake, not seventeen; he was well past the age for sexual confusion and experimentation. He didn't know what to think.  
  
"Uh, sorry about last night," Jim finally said, realizing that he'd been just looking at Spock and saying nothing.  
  
Spock clasped his hands behind his back. "It is of no consequence."  
  
"Of course it is," Jim sighed. "I feel like the worst kind of a douche." Jim thought for a moment. His heart started beating faster as an idea crossed his mind. "Let us make it up to you."  
  
Spock stared at him. "Are you suggesting—"  
  
"Yup," Jim said, refusing to feel nervous. "Let's give it another try. I swear we won't be so selfish again."  _And hopefully it will help me figure out what the hell is going on and whether I want you that way._  
  
Spock's face turned completely blank. "I am not certain it would be a wise course of action—"  
  
"Come on, Spock," Jim said, putting on his best puppy eyes. Bones always told him that he looked ridiculous when he did that, but Jim was sure he looked totally adorable and charming.  
  
Spock acquired a strange expression—almost like something was paining him.  
  
"Very well," he said at last. "But I do not wish to do it in Lieutenant Moreau's quarters."  
  
Jim's stomach did a little flip-flop. "Sure," he said, stepping closer to Spock and touching his lips gently. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Whatever you want."  
  
To Jim's surprise, Spock's arms came up around Jim.  
  
"You do not know what you are talking about," he said softly into Jim's cheek—so softly that Jim wasn't sure he hadn't imagined that.

 

 

 

~*~

  
  
  
The second time started pretty much like the first time—almost to the letter, except they were in Spock's quarters.  
  
Jim tried—he really did—to stay calm as Marlena and Spock kissed. It didn't work.  _Possessiveness, check._  
  
Both of them turned to Jim.  
  
"Did you just growl?" Marlena said incredulously.  
  
"Of course not," Jim said, glaring at her and grabbing Spock by the wrist, hard.  
  
"I have to concur with Lieutenant Moreau," Spock said, his eyebrows furrowed. "You did emit a sound reminiscent of a growl."  
  
Jim pulled him close. "Spock," he said softly against his lips. "We're as naked as newborns. I think you can call her Marlena. I'm sure she won't get offended."  
  
"Your logic has some merit," Spock admitted, rubbing their lips together, then their cheeks. Their naked chests and bellies were pressed together, and fuck, so close, so good. Jim about melted against him.  
  
"Let's get into the bed," he murmured, his mind already getting foggy with pleasure.  
  
 _Pleasure, not lust_ , Jim noted distantly. There was a difference, right? He still wasn't sure his feelings for Spock had anything to do with sex. Touching Spock, being so close to him, felt  _heavenly_ —so fucking good—but the pleasure had a different edge to it than ordinary arousal.  
  
It was confusing the hell out of him.  
  
"You between us," Marlena told to Spock, and Spock obliged, stretching between Jim and her, completely naked.  
  
Jim's eyes roamed down Spock’s body, down his taut stomach to his heavy, engorged cock. It was a lovely shade of green, but didn't look much different from his own otherwise. Jim watched in fascination as Marlena's delicate fingers wrapped around the cock and started stroking lightly.  
  
He looked back to Spock's face. Spock's eyelids were half-closed, but his dark eyes were trained on Jim.  
  
Leaning to his ear, Jim murmured, "What can I do? Tell me what you want. Anything."  
  
Spock's dark eyes examined his face intently before Spock brought two fingers to Jim's lips. He stroked Jim's mouth lightly, his thumb brushing along Jim's jaw-line. "Put them in your mouth."  
  
Jim felt his face heating up. Shit, the very idea of sucking on Spock's fingers seemed… obscene. Spock had always been so careful about not letting anyone touch his hands. Hell, Vulcans kissed with their hands. They had to be extremely sensitive, right?  
  
Jim stared at those long pale fingers, his mouth filling with saliva. He looked back into Spock's dark eyes, and suddenly knew what he wanted—what he needed. His cock swelled at the thought. "No. You put them in."  
  
Spock's nostrils flared.  
  
"As you wish," he murmured before sliding his fingers between Jim's parted lips. Jim gasped as they stroked his tongue, the sensitive skin inside his mouth, sliding in and out, in and out— _like a cock,_  a voice in the back of his mind whispered, but instead of being repulsive, the thought was insanely arousing. What if…what if it was Spock's cock, not fingers?  
  
Jim's eyes flickered down Spock's body, to the thick green cock throbbing in Marlena's hand. He sucked on the fingers harder, gaze fixed on the cock. Fuck, he couldn't believe he really was thinking this, but it looked so  _lovely_ —green and velvety—and Jim couldn't look away from the drop of precum glistening on the head.  
  
Marlena leaned down and licked it off.  
  
Something thick and ugly curled in Jim's lower gut as he watched her lick the precum off Spock's cock. He wanted… wanted—  
  
Slipping Spock's fingers out of his mouth, Jim shifted closer to Marlena and, yanking her by the hair to him, kissed her hard, forcing his tongue into her mouth. An unfamiliar, oddly sweet taste hit his senses, and Jim moaned, licking it out of her— _mine_ —before letting go of her and looking at Spock.  
  
Spock was watching him with an inscrutable expression, his blank face weirdly at odds with his hard, leaking cock. Not looking away from Jim, Spock parted his lean, muscular thighs, drawing Jim's attention back to his penis.  
  
 _Come here, Jim._  He could've sworn he could hear the words.  
  
As if in a daze, Jim found himself moving to him—to Spock's cock. He froze when his face was an inch away, his nostrils flaring at the sharp, male scent. Tentatively, he wrapped a hand around the base and pressed his nose against the shaft.  
  
Spock gasped, his hand flying up to bury in Jim's hair. "Jim—"  
  
"Shut up," Jim said, nuzzling the warm cock pulsing in his hand. He couldn't remember ever being so turned on. He could barely talk. "I'm gonna suck you off now and you're gonna love it. That's the plan. Got it?"  
  
He heard Spock exhale shakily. "Understood, Captain."  
  
Jim's balls started aching. "Good," he whispered before mouthing the cock greedily.  
  
Spock let out a low, guttural moan, his hand tightening on Jim's hair almost painfully.  
  
Jim licked the underside of the cock. "Good?"  
  
"Yes," Spock hissed out, the head of his cock pushing against Jim's lips insistently.  
  
"Subtle," Jim said with a crazy grin.  
  
Spock's eyes seemed endlessly dark as he said, "I am not attempting to be subtle, Jim."  
  
Holding Spock's gaze, Jim licked the precum on the head. "Want me to suck your cock?"  
  
Spock stroked his jawline softly. "Yes."  
  
" _Me_ , not her, right?"  
  
Spock's gaze fixed on him with a strangest expression. He didn't speak for a while.  
  
"You," he said finally.  
  
A fierce, burning satisfaction clenched Jim's gut, and he took the cock in. Jim sighed as the velvety penis slid into him, stretching his lips wide, filling him, rubbing against the sensitive skin of his mouth. God, the feel, taste, the scent, the mere fact that it was Spock's cock in his mouth drove him insane, had his own dick painfully hard and leaking against the sheets.  
  
 _Arousal, check._  
  
He couldn't believe it, but he loved  sucking Spock's cock: loved the feel of it sliding in and out of his mouth; loved Spock's strong hands massaging his scalp and stroking his neck; loved the small, broken sounds Spock made. But before long, his jaw started aching like a bitch, and Jim had to let the cock slip out of his mouth, though he didn't want to.  
  
"Shit, that's a lot harder than it looks," he croaked out, licking the glistening head.  
  
"It's because you aren't relaxing your jaw," Marlena said suddenly, and Jim blinked a few times, completely having forgotten about her. "Your position is all wrong. Here, let me show you how it's done." She leaned down to Spock's cock—  
  
"Don't touch him." Jim barely recognized his voice.  
  
She froze before looking up at him, her eyes wary. "What?"  
  
Breathing hard, Jim looked between Spock and Marlena, completely lost. Goddammit, what was wrong with him? They were supposed to be having a threesome. There was no place for these possessive, ugly emotions in a threesome, and even if he had had to get all caveman and shit, it would have been more appropriate to get like that over his fucking girlfriend, not his best friend.  
  
Still –  
  
"Don't touch him," he found himself saying again.  
  
She narrowed her dark eyes, her expression speculative. "Why, Jim? Give me one good reason and I won't."  
  
Jim opened his mouth, then closed it, unable to utter a single word. He looked at Spock, but Spock didn't come to his help, his face contemplative as he regarded Jim with nearly the same expression as Marlena.  
  
Actually, come to think of it, Spock and Marlena looked freakishly alike.  
  
Jim's mind reeled at the thought. He looked from one to the other and couldn't unsee it. Marlena really looked like a more feminine version of Spock.  
  
Holy fucking Christ.  
  
Was it too much to think that it was just a coincidence? The truth was, he could never really understand the immediateness and urgency of his attraction to Marlena. Sure, she was a very attractive woman, but contrary to popular opinion, Jim could keep it in his pants when he really wanted to. And he had: before she was transferred to his ship, Jim had been determined not to sexually mingle with his crew.  
  
"No objections?" she pressed. With a shift of her eyebrow, she leaned down and took Spock's cock in her mouth.  
  
It felt like someone took his guts in his hand and twisted, and squeezed, twisted again. Breathing hard, Jim could only watch Marlena expertly suck Spock off. He looked back at Spock, whose cheekbones turned a lovely shade of green, lips slightly parted in pleasure. But Spock wasn't looking at Marlena; he was watching Jim with the same contemplative look in his eyes.  
  
Flushing, Jim looked away. His hands curled into fists by his sides when Marlena started moaning around Spock's cock— _like a whore_ , his mind whispered viciously—and Jim suddenly had trouble breathing from the mindless rage filling his chest.  
  
When Marlena let Spock's hard, glistening cock slip out of her mouth, Jim exhaled shakily.  
  
But his relief didn't last long because Marlena lifted herself up and sank on Spock's penis. "God," she panted out, stroking and squeezing her breasts, and started riding Spock with small moans.  
  
If it was how Spock felt yesterday, Jim wondered how the hell he had managed not to punch them both. He wanted to hit Marlena. He wanted to kill them both. He wanted to turn away and get the hell out of here. He couldn't—wouldn't—watch his Spock have sex with—  
  
Jim's mouth fell open. He stared at Spock with wide eyes.  
  
' _His_  Spock'?  
  
His Spock.  
  
Jesus. Bones couldn't have been more wrong. It wasn't about sex at all.  
  
"Ah- _ahh_ ," Marlena groaned out, forcing Jim to look at her. She was riding Spock's cock with closed eyes, dark hair all over her lush breasts that were bouncing with her every movement.  
  
Jim looked back at Spock.  
  
Who was watching him.  
  
And then Jim got it.  
  
 _That son-of-a-bitch._  
  
Well, two could play this game.  
  
Leaning down to Spock's ear, Jim said, "Coward."  
  
Spock's eyes met his. "Pardon?"  
  
You should've told me. You should've just told me instead of testing me like a goddamn lab rat, waiting for me to show an emotional reaction. You should've just told me instead of allowing my girlfriend to touch the body that belongs to me,  _to have the cock that belongs to_  me.  
  
 _To have the man who belongs to_  me.  
  
Jim smiled nicely at him. "I said I'm bored."  
  
Spock's eyes narrowed. "That is not what you said."  
  
"You've just misheard, then," Jim said, his mind racing with possibilities, and tried hard to ignore Marlena's groans and the fact that she was using Spock's cock to get off—it meant only madness and rage.  
  
Spock wouldn't know what hit him.  
  
"I want to face-fuck you," Jim said in the same nice tone, looking Spock right in the eyes.  
  
Spock's eyes widened slightly. To his credit, he didn't pretend to misunderstand the human expression, as he usually liked to. "Very well. Come here."  
  
Jim's mouth went slack. He hadn't expected for Spock to agree. The mere idea of face-fucking Spock… Jim nearly came just from imagining that.  
  
Slowly, Jim straddled Spock's chest and moved up, until his dripping cock touched Spock's lips. Holding his gaze, Spock opened his mouth and let Jim feed his cock to him.  
  
Holy fuck.  
  
This had to be the hottest thing Jim had ever seen—watching his cock disappear in Spock's hot, wet mouth.   
  
Jim groaned and started moving, fucking into Spock's mouth with jerky, impatient moves, too turned on and close to coming to care about finesse. Either Spock didn't have a gag reflex,or he had much more experience than Jim with sucking cock, because he didn't even wince, staring at Jim with endlessly dark, intense eyes.  
  
He was nearly there—almost—so  _close_ —when Spock suddenly let go of his cock and, gripping his hips hard, shifted Jim slightly until his mouth was touching—  
  
Jim cried out as Spock's hot tongue circled around his asshole. "Fuck, Spock—God—"  
  
A few girlfriends had rimmed him before, but Spock's tongue was  _amazing_ , and the mere thought that it was Spock who was licking him was enough to push him toward the edge. Jim came hard, groaning and shaking, having only enough of presence of mind not to land on Spock's face before he climbed off to the side.  
  
"Fuck," he gasped out, panting against Spock's neck.  
  
"God," Marlena cried out her orgasm somewhere behind him, and Jim bit Spock's neck hard, making sure to leave a mark.  
  
Looking up at Spock, Jim could see by his aroused eyes that he hadn't come yet.  
  
Good. Jim didn't want him to come in Marlena.  
  
Jim shifted down the bed. "Move," he barked out to Marlena. She blinked a few times blearily, clearly still not quite here after her orgasm, so Jim just lifted her off Spock's dick and moved aside. She barely seemed to notice.  
  
Crouching between Spock's muscular thighs, Jim stared at his engorged, glistening cock before swallowing it down. Spock moaned, his hips bucking up. Placing his hands on Spock's hips, Jim sucked determinedly until there was no trace of Marlena's taste left. Then he looked up to meet Spock's dark, heated eyes, letting the green cock slip out of his mouth a bit.  
  
"Come for me, Spock."  
  
And Spock did, the expression of pure bliss crossing his face. Jim managed to catch some of Spock’s come in his mouth, but most of it splattered all over his face. Spock made a low sound and, yanking him up, rolled them over.  
  
"Jim," he gasped out fervently, kissing his lips, his face, over and over.  
  
Jim smiled dazedly at him, running a hand along Spock's spine and pulling him closer, tighter to himself, still oddly unsatisfied despite coming so hard. They looked each other into the eyes for a long time, exchanging shallow kisses and trying to even their breathing.  
  
"I said you were a coward," Jim said softly and watched Spock's eyes widen slightly then narrow. Jim tangled their legs, sighing in pleasure as their bellies pressed together. "We need to talk, Spock."  
  
Next to them, Marlena snorted and rolled out of the bed. "Yeah, you really do. And I need to go."  
  
Jim wondered what it said about him that all he felt about her leaving was immense satisfaction instead of guilt he was probably supposed to feel. Well, he'd never claimed to be a good guy who always did the right thing. He could be one selfish son-of-a-bitch when it came to sharing certain things, and Spock was definitely one of them.  
  
Jim did feel a bit uncomfortable about the fact that he had used her as Spock's substitute, but it wasn't like she hadn’t used him, too. They had used each other for sex and good company; neither of them had ever pretended that there was more to it.  
  
"Thank you, Lieutenant," Spock said softly, his thumb stroking along Jim's jaw.  
  
There was a note of humor in Marlena's voice as she said, "Any time, Mr. Spock." She sighed and looked at Jim, already mostly clothed now. "Jim, you remember what I said, right? If it isn't still clear, we're over. No hard feelings or anything. I don't see a point in keeping our arrangement. It would just complicate things."  
  
 _If you have something going on with him, we're over._  
  
"Yeah, sure." Jim met her dark eyes. "You were right, and I was wrong."  
  
Shrugging, she finished buttoning up and left.  
  
As the door slid shut behind her, Jim and Spock looked at each other.  
  
Suddenly everything seemed much more intimate and personal, even the silence in the room.  
  
"You wished to talk," Spock said quietly, propping himself on his elbows above Jim.  
  
Jim bit his lip hard, his heart beating so hard he felt almost dizzy with it.  
  
"You love me, don't you?"  
  
Spock all but froze against him, his whole body going rigid and face completely expressionless.  
  
A beat passed, then another.  
  
Jim stroked his back soothingly. "Shhh, that's okay. Don't go all weird on me."  
  
"'Okay.'" Spock repeated flatly, his body still stiff as hell. "What makes you think that I… harbor feelings of a romantic nature for you?"  
  
Jim shrugged slightly. "A lot of things. It's kinda obvious now, when I think about it. I mean, I don't know why I haven't noticed before." Spock was silent, and Jim forced a smile, his heartbeat picking up. "Spock? Say something."  
  
Spock looked away for a moment before looking back at Jim. "What do you wish me to say?"  
  
Chuckling harshly, Jim averted his gaze. "Fuck, I don't know. Just say something. Am I right or am I misinterpreting things again?"  
  
He could hear Spock take an audible breath in.  
  
"You have not misinterpreted anything."  
  
Jim exhaled. Well. He’d been expecting that answer, but it still shocked him to the core.  
  
Spock loved him.  
  
Spock was in love with him. Him, Jim Messed-Up Kirk.  
  
"You want me."  
  
"I do."  
  
"Why?" Jim blurted out before he could stop himself. He smiled crookedly. "I mean, sure, I'm a catch, but you're so—" Jim waved his hand around Spock, unable to put it into words. "And I'm just… well, me."  
  
Spock's eyebrows furrowed in an exasperated manner. "My logical reasons for choosing you as an object of my affections are as follows: you are an extremely capable Captain; you are also highly intelligent, brave, kind—"  
  
Jim snorted. "I'm not  _kind_ , Spock."  
  
"—compassionate, and loyal."  
  
Jim grimaced, feeling his face heat up. "I'm really not."  
  
Spock's thumb stroked his jawline. "You are, towards the individuals you truly care about."  
  
"All right, whatever. You said something about logical reasons." Jim waggled his eyebrows. "Why, Mr. Spock, are you saying there are illogical ones?"  
  
Spock looked down, then looked aside. Jim's eyebrows crept up. Spock was seriously  _flustered_  over whatever he was going to say.  
  
Finally, Spock met his eyes. "Those were the logical reasons of my regard for you. However, there are others, less logical ones." Spock's thumb stroked up Jim’s cheekbone to the corner of his right eye. "I am very fond of your eyes. The way they shine with amusement, merriment, and joy. The way they would widen comically whenever you attempt to persuade me to do something I do not wish to do—"  
  
"Hey!" Jim said, but he couldn't stop grinning. "I'll have you know my puppy-dog eyes are adorable."  
  
A corner of Spock's lip twitched up slightly. "That is how that most… peculiar expression is called?"  
  
Jim glared at him and pouted.  
  
Spock looked at him with…yes, affection in his eyes. "I am also illogically fond of your occasionally childish behavior, such as this."  
  
Jim couldn't help but grin. "Fuck off, it's not fair. I can't stay pissed at you when you say stuff like that."  
  
Spock's eyes turned solemn and intense. "Jim. Do you reciprocate my… regard for you?"  
  
Jim smiled. "Kudos to you for managing to avoid that icky word 'feelings.'"  
  
Spock's jaw tightened. "To me, this is not a matter to jest about, Jim."  
  
Jim sobered up, his insides doing a little flip-flop.  
  
He licked his lips. "It isn't to me, either." Looking into the wary brown eyes he adored—yes, adored—Jim couldn't believe how blind he had been.  
  
Love?  
  
 _Love, check._  
  
He pulled Spock down and kissed him lightly. "Your 'regard' is completely reciprocated, Mr. Spock," he whispered and smiled, watching the wariness disappear from Spock's eyes and something heated replace it. "Though," Jim added with a grin, linking his hands behind Spock's neck and stroking the hair on his nape. So soft. "You're still not forgiven for making fun of my puppy ey—"  
  
Spock kissed him hard, rough and masculine. Moaning around Spock's tongue, Jim buried his fingers in Spock's silky hair and shoved their bodies tighter, wanting closer, more.  
  
He rolled them over until he was on top.  
  
"Are you certain, Jim?" Spock said hoarsely when he broke the kiss, his strong hands stroking up and down Jim's back and then settling on his ass. "You have never been with a male."  
  
Jim chuckled, shoving his face against Spock's delicious neck and biting lightly. " It's a little late to be afraid I'll run away when I see your boy bits up close and personal, don't you think?" He wrapped a hand around Spock's recovered erection and squeezed, making Spock gasp. "I think you have a very nice cock, and I wanna spend hours sucking it when I figure out how to do it properly."  
  
"Jim," Spock gapsed out, his hands squeezing Jim's hips so hard it hurt. To Jim's surprise, he started hardening again, his balls tightening and aching. Huh. He'd never been into pain as a part of sex, but now…  
  
He rubbed Spock's nipples, but they didn't seem as sensitive as his own, so he pressed their chests tightly, moaning a little as the hoarse hair tickled his nipples.  
  
"Or maybe you're worried I won't let you fuck me," he murmured into Spock's ear before licking it, making Spock gasp. "Is that it, Spock?"  
  
"I do not require a penetrative sexual intercourse from you for me to be satisfied with our relationship."  
  
"You're cute when you lie," Jim told him with a grin, kissing him.  
  
Spock gave him a flat look. "I assure you I am doing no such thing."  
  
"It would've been almost convincing," Jim said, kissing the small frown off Spock's face, "if your hands weren't all over my ass." He winked. "But hey, who could blame you? It's a magnificent ass. People have written odes about this ass."  
  
Spock stared at him.  
  
Jim grinned down at him. "I know. Right now, you're having a moment when you think: 'What have I done to deserve this super awesome human being?'"  
  
Spock looked sideways—that was  _totally_  an eye-roll— before looking back at him. "I would not put it quite like that, Jim."  
  
Jim narrowed his eyes.  
  
Oh, Spock would pay.

The End


End file.
